Expression Is My BIRTHRIGHT

Birds of A Feather Flock Togather...

2009-11-07T02:10:00.000+08:00

My deepest condolences 2 the birds of a feather who currently hd flocked togather. Pls continue to do wat ya do best!Talk behind my ass! N at e same time put on a mask as thick as ur ugly makeup n talk abt hw 2 save the world frm fools who mirror ur thoughts. If only there rmore pple like ya, e world would be a more BitchYful place! Nice try sweeties. But no! Am not giving up what U wanted so bad. Aww! It burns na?!

My dedication to the green eyed monsters!

2009-10-02T17:34:00.000+08:00

I came up with this for the green eyed monsters who can't stand the fact that I am happy simply because I believe in being me.
Eat your heart out biatches! Ha!

Smile at my face
Scorn me once I leave the place
It aint my fault
If you can't get what I got
I have got a lot of compassion for you kids
Which might tear your ugly masks into bits
Get togather, form a group
Write about me in your lowly stoop
I am sure it will earn u the nicks of a mean mice
Just the way hookers get theirs through a lesser vice
Feel free to leave your footprints behind
Cause in the light of truth
One day, you will revisit this path for sure
So go now, take cover
I aint gonna bother

In the arms of an angel.......

2009-09-30T16:51:00.002+08:00

With all that is going on now, I just feel like rocking in the arms of an angel..........
Sarah Mchlachlan's beautiful voice is such a comfort for me, at this point in time

MusicVideo:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hx4RsCfL_fA&NR=1&feature=fvwp

I sooooo wanna fly away........in the arms of an angel........

Still I Rise

2009-09-20T23:25:00.007+08:00

In the words of Maya, I know I will still RISeeeeeeeeeeeeee

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise
I rise
I rise.

-Maya Angelou

Calm in the midst of Chaos

2009-09-16T22:27:00.001+08:00

A friend wrote this as her shout out in Facebook today. And it really hit the tear canals.....
Especially so while being caught in a storm. A a bad one at that! :)

"The eye of the storm is that one specific spot in the center of a twister, hurricane, or tornado that is calm, almost isolated from the frenzy of activity.
Everything around the center is violent and turbulent, but the center remains peaceful.......
How nice it would be if we too could be calm and serene in the midst of chaos - in the eye of the storm."
- Richard Carlson

It ain't my FAULT, if I find Richard Gere HOT!!!

2009-09-08T14:18:00.004+08:00

It ain’t my Fault,
If I find Richard Gere Hottt!!

How not to when he is soooooo delicious in 'Pretty Woman'.

It has always been one of my all time favourite movies!

I can watch it a thousand times and will never get tired of it.

Of him actually.
Gere looked soooo yummy in it.

As yummy as 'Strawberry with Chocolate ' *wink*

And yes!

Julia Roberts was such a babe in that movie.

I fell in love with black leather skirts and knee high boots when I was a little girl, after watching the sexy sultry Julia sashaying around to the Roy Orbison's vocals.

Pretty woman, the kind I LIKE to meet! Yay!

Happy Birthday MJ!

2009-08-29T17:18:00.004+08:00

Happy Birthday Michael Joseph Jackson !

You would have been 51, if you had been alive :(

I promise.....

2009-08-29T15:14:00.017+08:00

Divine's grace,
I promise
I will take care of all the little hearts
Who come into my sight
With grace and light
Injecting their lives with fun and yummy bites
We will dance away, all day and night
Believing with faith
That our future will definitely be bright
I will work towards it
With all my love and might
Please let this dream be rooted
Deep within my heart

While I was listening to Leona Lewis's 'Footprints in the sand', I penned down the above .......

Koalas

2009-08-09T19:34:00.007+08:00

Did you know that Koalas spend 3/4 of their life sleeping?
They feed on eucalyptus trees, which contain toxins that amazingly they can digest.
Aren't these marsupials simply superb?!

How I wish, I can digest the 'toxins' emitted by some blockheads as easily as these koalas.
Yeah! If only......

But I wouldn't want to sleep away a major part of my life though.I have a lot more to achieve and live for.

Its good being just the way I am now. Human.

For the love of a dog.........

2009-08-05T23:14:00.008+08:00

I have always wanted a dog.

And it got to be a golden Labrador or a Jack Russell.

But I am not allowed to own one.

Thanks to the super hygienic freak hiding inside my mum and my dad's grief over his dog that passed away ages ago.

I understand that they might have to readjust their lifestyle a little to welcome a new canine member to the family but I really want to experience the unconditional love of a dog.

Other types of pets aren't really my cup of tea. So the option of a substitute is totally out for me.

Few years ago, I chipped in to buy a Jack Russell for my friend's mum whose dog died. I was so excited.

The feeling of buying the 'chosen one' was almost equivalent to feeling a newborn baby in my arms. Awesome, I tell you!

And the fuss I threw when given the honour to name the puppy was crazy. But I loved every moment of it.

Now I really want one as my own.

Had enough of the decade long wait!

Since I will be moving into a new home in a few months time, I will secretly welcome the new member home too.

Just you wait and see.

Nothing, I mean NOTHING is ever gonna come between my golden love and me! Ha!

For the love of a dog, may god forgive me :)

One day.......I surely will

2009-08-02T21:34:00.006+08:00

I first saw the picture of the golden temple when I was 14 at my tuition teacher's house.
And I told myself then, that one day I will visit this magnificent abode of the divine.
I know I surely will....

Letting Go...............

2009-07-26T00:10:00.008+08:00

Its seems easier,
to walk away
to stop trying
to end what was already dying
to never persist
to choose silent dignity amidst
to live life not as an even but an odd number
to abandon the thought of living happily ever after
to dream alone
to again be on my own
to take responsibility for one
to stop worrying about us two
to live in solitude
to rejoice in silent gratitude
to stop thinking about what's next
to start thinking about what's best
to let you run your life all by yourself
to start living for myself

-----------------------------------------------
as the years went by
one, two three, four and five
its not easy being still alive
when somethings that you said and did not
turned my hearts into knots
yes, you will never know
what it is to be like a woman
but you should know
that i too am a human
don't say these are all too common
cause then I will be urged to call it off
and say men are indeed stubborn!

© Me@Akshaara, All rights reserved

Can't believe that you can still make me cry........MJ

2009-07-18T22:43:00.008+08:00

How can one not cry, even after watching this..........

Missing your magic :(

Soul Type

2009-07-06T17:05:00.005+08:00

I did another one of the facebook quizzes after a looong time.

This one felt kinda different.

You have come out with the Oceanic soul type. This would describe you as a person who is generally happy inside with an array of surfacing moods that tend to effect the people around you more than you would like. You are very busy dealing with things that seem like they would make no sense to the people in your life. You long for communion emotionally with someone but can't seem to find anyone who fits the bill. It is exceedingly important for an Oceanic soul to realize they are part of something by nature that is so vast, so incredible, so infinitely changing that they do not need to 'connect' the way they have learned to think that they do. All they really need to do is take notice of the beauty they are a real bonafide part of and participate fully. It is by exerting will in this small behavioral way that will bring them into a light that is very attractive to the right kind of people for them. Ironically, once an Oceanic realizes what they are a part of and starts to really willfully participate, they no longer feel such a need for connection.. cest la vie.. so get busy Oceanic soul! You have a lifetime of tides to ebb and flow through, and a whole world of beauty to be a part of.

Michael Jackson - The Man Who Made Me Cry, Twice

2009-06-26T14:43:00.006+08:00

Is this it? Really? That’s it of the legend?
I first shed tears for him when I was 15. For no fault of his.

I was watching his interview with Opera on TV then. He was sharing with her about his childhood, followed by a tour of Never Land. And the song "Childhood' was playing on the background. He got me there.It was not the pop star I teared for then.

I had never been one of those teens who bought every one of his albums or idolized his every move. I only got to know about his music through my cousins whom I grew up with. They loved to groove to his dance hits. They even emulated his dress sense. Black and white colour themed dressing, pants that rid up an inch above the ankle, white gloves and leather jackets was sooooo 'IN' then. Guys went for the curly strand of hair that hung above their foreheads thanks to that icon. He defined “break dance” and” almost every teen thought it was cool to be “Bad” then.I enjoyed many of his songs but that was as far as it went for ‘The Star’.

It was the little boy in him that my heart went out to.
I cried for the abused, misunderstood and pressured child in him.
I cried for the one who constantly yearned for love in mysterious ways from the world around him.
I cried for the man who paid dearly for the price of fame.
I cried for the black man who turned white by choice more than by chance.
I cried for the man who had to wear many masks to survive the cruelty and scrutiny of the media.
I cried for the one who seemed to have everything but in real almost nothing.
I cried for the emasculated man who still held onto the immaculate boy in him.
I cried for the part of me I saw in that little one called Jacko.

Today again, I shed tears for that same boy whom I have never met or spoken to but feel a lot for.For the man who died without even saying a proper goodbye to his 3 young ones.

Goodbye Moonwalker. Your life long walk home ends today.
May you find happiness in God's arms and a new Never Land on God’s lap. And may you be endowed with all that you couldn't get to experience on earth, in both light and in darkness.

I still can't believe "This Is It"!
You have made the ‘final curtain call’ indeed.
Even in death, you never failed to ‘Thrill’ us.

Micheal, you really rocked. And still do.

Back!

2009-06-24T19:15:00.002+08:00

Back.

Burnt.

Broke.

But with,

BagsFull.

hehehe

The Incredible "I"

2009-06-05T15:11:00.003+08:00

A journey to the land of all Seasons....
The land for all Reasons.....

Bonding With The Big "B"

2009-06-01T16:00:00.004+08:00

I have come to an understanding that I have quite a weird way with books.

Whenever I make a trip to the library or the bookstore, I pay attention to books that only calls out to me. Some of the books excite me in a way it did when I met my better half for the first time. I can feel this tingling feeling that arises from within and the urge to pick up the particular book on sight.

I can stare blankly at the neatly arranged books and I suddenly feel connected to a particular book or so and don't leave without it. I can spend an eternity in a bookstore and I got to really feel for the book before I feel that it’s crucial to secure the transaction at the counter.

To me, a book is not just a compilation of paper and ink. It is far more valuable than that.
When it comes to reading one, I have a habit of picking up chapters randomly in the book. Following the numerical order doesn't seem to appeal to me.It’s like subconsciously I choose to read what I need the most at that point in time.

I read and reflect upon the contents and I learn. It’s like I become a new me. I grow with each book that I read and as I grow, everything around me changes. Everything in me changes too.

When I was a child, I fell in love with Martin Luther King through an autobiography of his. I was only about 10 then. Through the depiction of his life story, I learnt that I should dare to dream and dreams too can come true.

And once when I was in my teens, I cried over a book entitled "Say, Goodnight Gracie" for almost 2 weeks. I became very depressed when one of the main character in the book, dies at a very young age in a road accident. He leaves behind a childhood friend Gracie with only memories. Losing him felt like losing a soul mate. Sounds crazy, but that isn't my point here. The point is how one gets connected to the unseen strangers that one gets to know only through the prints.

2 years ago, I started reading Mitch Albom's "Five people You Meet in Heaven" and was filled with great admiration for his narration of the characters that seem to come alive on every page.
Recently, I completed yet another one his special creation “Tuesdays’ With Morris". Superb!
I was filled with tears when I finished the last page. I yearn for more of his successful creations.

I believe very strongly every book has a message. And every message has an intended purpose for reaching me at the right time and the right place. What might be a current best seller might not necessarily interest me till I sense the unspoken burning urge to read it.

Books bring me closer to a world of possibilities, and the impossible as well. It allows me to dive into the abundance flow of creativity and limitless imagination.

Books provide me the means to appease my soul’s hunger for life changing experiences.

It brings upon a sense of security and warmth that one can experience only in solitude.

It’s a great way to pamper oneself without any form of regrets.

It is a luxury by itself, when one knows how to treat it.

It is not just about the need to want any book. It is about the want to need that particular book.

Each book is a treasure hunt. The treasure that is found at the end of it lies in the perception of the reader.

I love every page of it.

This bond with the binded. :0)

Music for the Soul

2009-05-28T17:36:00.008+08:00

Lucinda Drayton's Voice Makes Me Float In Bliss....
Lyrics of the song "One Thousand Angels"

Do you
Hear me calling you
The voice of a mother, a father and a child
Would you recognize the truth
Do you feel a love that's falling from my eyes
Take just a minute
Come and rest you by my side
Let me tell you your own story
Let me walk you through your lives
Only a second
That's all it takes to realize
There's a hundred thousand angels
By your side
Do you
Hear me talk to you
I whisper through the doorways
And pathways of your mind
Clear like the morning dew
And fresh from my journey
Cross an ocean of blue
Take just a minute
Come and rest you by my side
Let me tell you your own story
Let me walk you through your lives
Only a second
That's all it takes to realize
There's a hundred thousand angels by your side
There's a hundred thousand angels by your side

I was so in love with her voice and the lyrics of this song really touches the heart.
So soulful! I loveeee!

Intuition- Defining In My Own Words

2009-05-22T16:21:00.008+08:00

Intuition

the touch of the Angels
the connection with another soul
the knowing of the unknown
the guiding light of the divine
the silence that speaks a thousand meaning
the Whisper That Emerges From Within

The little Girl Who Learned to Draw......

2009-05-21T16:39:00.008+08:00

This is a story of a girl who believed that she could create. It started at home when she drew silly images of flowers and animals on paper. And it continued in school when she was taught how to paint half of an onion and make pretty prints out of it. At home she brought it to another level.

Not satisfied with just onions, she used both her hands, dipping it into wall paint (yeah wall paint!) and pressed her hands gleefully on paper. And her handprints adorned the floor as well. She got spanked for that as well. Maybe as a child she understood better that Creativity exceeds Boundaries.

She adored the way her mommy drew. The fine strokes her m of a pencil that turned fast into many forms filled her with envy. Her mommy had a special way of adding colour to them that no one she has ever met till date could do the same. She was so proud of her mommy. She made her mommy draw her art work given in school and show it off proudly to her classmates. Everything her mommy did left an impression on the little girl's heart. Almost everything.

She stood there intrigued as she watched her mommy draw beautiful designs on the floor outside their home. Her mommy introduced those to her as 'Kolam'. In northern part of India, they call it the Rangoli.
While mommy is busy in the kitchen, she will sneak into her room and take out mommy's book filled with a wide collection of designs and browse it will quietly acquired bliss.

She ran her fingers through the pages and fall in love with each one of them. She wanted to draw just like her mom.

As she got a little older, she started experimenting with it all by herself. Not with flour but with chalks. Beginners stick to the chalk first. Her first Kolam was a lotus. The easiest she felt. She will draw more intricate ones, once she grows up, she told herself. And so she did. She won the first prize in secondary school with her best friend as her partner and beamed with pride as she showed her mommy her prize.

She desired to create more. She went on to explore other avenues of art. She was not doing well as she wanted to cause the emphasis and motivation given to academic success wasn't endowed much upon to art.

Her life got too busy for art as well. With all those stuff to be done to keep her ahead of the rat race, there wasn't time. With all those guys, dance, music and social drama to give attention to, there wasn't time. With a start of a career soon after graduation, there wasn't time. With so much time spent at the office and hanging out with friends all the time, there wasn't time.

No time to draw. No time for colour. No time to create. No time to live a little through art.

That girl WAS me.

Tribute to the One Watching Over Me.........

2009-05-19T16:23:00.007+08:00

For a long time now, I am involved with angel readings, oracle cards and such.
They are an integral part of my spiritual voyage. I believe there are angels always around us to guide us, to protect us and to bless us. To me an angel is a beautiful moonbeam that radiates from the Divine force.
This video that a friend shared with me, sums it up very well for me. I am truly grateful that I got my guradian angel and my arch angels right here beside me. Watching over me.

Source: YouTube

The Surprise Phone Call

2009-05-18T18:23:00.004+08:00

Just when I was grieving over the loss of a Brother,
I received a called from another.
One who touched me in his own special way.
One who brought upon a smile and brightened up my day.
Thanx Kokulan bro, for calling me from the USA.
May our bond last and shine with love all the way.

Am Enjoying....Holidaying

2009-05-17T16:13:00.008+08:00

Readin.Bloggin.Surfin.Slackin.Jammin.
Ridin.Sleepin.Eatin.WeightGainin.

2 months of time spent self fulfilling.
No. I am not buying,
Anymore of time wasted sighing.

When everything else is failing,
There is always writing.

Words and paper combining,
At perfect timing.

Fact Or Fiction?

2009-05-17T15:25:00.009+08:00

What Your Birth Date Reveals About You!
Birthday date : 23 ---------------------With a birthday on the 23rd of the month you are inclined to work well with people and enjoy them. You are talented and versatile, very good at presenting ideas. You may have a tendency to get itchy feet at times and need change and travel. You tend to be very progressive, imaginative and adaptable. Your mind is quick, clever and analytical. A restlessness in your nature may make you a bit impatient and easily bored with routine. You may have a tendency to shirk responsibility. Very sociable, you make friends easily and you are an excellent traveling companion.
Shakespeare, Karl Marx, Neil Armstrong, Eisenhower and Albert Einstein were born under the number 5.

Source: Facebook
==========================================================

Shakespeare and Albert Einstein? Waulau.....what da hell am i still doing as ME then?

Thou shall travel through vast lands spreading the wings of poetic licence.
Like Shakepeare, live i may.
Discovering the equations behind God's creations.
The Einstein way.

One More Time........

2009-05-16T16:28:00.006+08:00

Why?
Why do I have to face you again?
Whatever happened to our plan to ‘move on’?
I thought I did
Did you?
No?
Why didn’t you?
Leave me alone
Please
Let me be me
Wasn’t it getting better?
When we were apart from each other
You not being part of me
And me not being part of you
That was the deal wasn’t it?
I thought I silenced you with distance
And detest
But you came back
Just when I thought I am freed from you
You came back
How dare you
You got no right to,
after all that I have been through
But this time,
I won’t acknowledge you
I won’t accept you
And I totally refuse to experience,
even a tiny part of you
They say I am best when you’re not around
And life has really been good all along.
Let me be me.
No?
Why?
Why now?
If you insist,
I will resist
And if u persist,
I will insist
You won’t stop till the usual
I should have known better
You always want to win
Fine I give in
To you this time
For the last time
I will acknowledge,
I will accept
And
I will experience every part of you,
Now
But you will leave me then, won’t you?
For good
Go now
The best is yet to be
For now I can be,
What I am meant to be
Go now
For good
I should have known better
You should have known better (that)
You are not my greatest companion
A-N-G-E-R is not my greatest companion

© Me@Akshaara, All rights reserved

You Shall Be Forgiven & Forgotten

2009-05-15T18:03:00.004+08:00

Dear Shithead with a capital S,

I am penning down my thoughts not mainly to highlight your idiosyncrasies but more to get you out of my system. Just to let go a little. I am going to flush you out of my system like I usually do with crap.

You aren’t always been my favourite but one whom I felt was good enough to be considered a friend. Despite a couple of occasional disappointments I chose to ignore it and keep smiling at you out of respect. I was wrong. I should have known the difference between a woman and a vixen. Now I do.

Few weeks back, you uttered something very mean to me. In front of many. Something that was uncalled for. Something I thought was very unlike you as you usually prided yourself over being diplomatic at all times.
If it had not been a holy place, I would have chosen to lash out back at you. I can turn myself as ugly as your natural self if I had wanted to. But I wanted to make a wise choice unlike a moron of your nature.

I causally remarked about your lack of tact and walked away.
I didn’t wish to wash dirty linen in public. Yours I mean.
So shut up when you have to. When you should.

Being 20yrs older doesn’t make up for your lack of maturity and mistakes.
I can only hope that your wisdom grows with your age.
Wisdom is something you shouldn’t compromise on. So invest more on tact tactics than on the tons of cosmetics on your face.

I am not angry with you. A little disappointed, maybe. I should have known. But I am sure I will get over it as soon as this letter is done.
I feel sad for you actually. For your insecurities, incompetency, lack of social skills and manipulative traits.

You are just a vindictive old cow whom I chose to forgive too many a time but you insist on returning to your old ways. So chew the consequences of your new found fame. You are not my enemy. But definitely not a friend either. Not anymore.

I read once in a book that that people are mean because they feel threaten. Am I making you feel intimidated in anyway? Let’s not even go there. You wouldn’t like it.
Well how can I expect you to love others when you can’t even love yourself?

The world does not need much of your senseless judgements and remarks. So use less of it unless you are getting yourself acquainted with like minded bimbos.

Less is more sometimes. I am happier with lesser of fools like you whose tongues are always wagging worse than that of a dog.
Go on. Bark louder, woman. I choose to turn a deaf ear to your mindless chatter hereafter.

I choose to forgive you though for it makes two of you if I refuse to.

I told you before. I have got another side to me. And this time you get to face the dark side. You chose what you wanted to see. So burn with it.

Haven’t I told you before? That I rather be hated for what I am than to be loved for what I am NOT!

So lick your burnt wounds and stay out of my sight. For your own good at least.

You are out. From my life. From my system.

Adios!

With Love and Forgiveness,

TheGalUWouldLoveToHate

I wouldn't mind.......

2009-05-15T16:11:00.006+08:00

A crazy quiz on facebook today yield me these results.
"Which Shakespearean Character Would You Be?" with the result Cleopatra.You are Cleopatra, Queen of Egypt, of whom was said, "Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale her infinite variety: other women cloy the appetites they feed; but she makes hungry where most she satisfies." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The original Samantha (of Sex in the City), your ability to seduce lies not only in your physical beauty, but the power of your will. You have no compuctions using your sexuality to attract those in power, not only for your own pleasure, but to protect your interests. But that does not mean your aren't capable of true love. Will your desires lead to ecstacy, or ultimate doom? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Shakespearean kindred spirits: Gertrude, Anne Boleyn, Cressida, Helen of Troy, Juliet, Volumnia, Othello .

I love the guts of this woman, and of course have read about her timeless beauty.
Hehehe........I wouldn't mind being CLEO for a day :0)

Living The Present Through - Spiritual Partnership Guidlines

2009-05-13T14:26:00.016+08:00

An addition to my checklist on "How to live MY life" ......at present :)
Million thanx to Seat of the Soul Institute for these guidelines.

SPIRITUAL PARTNERSHIP GUIDELINES
Practice using these Guidelines everywhere – at home, with family, at work. And
remember to enjoy yourself!

COMMITMENT – MAKING MY SPIRITUAL GROWTH (CREATING
AUTHENTIC POWER) MY HIGHEST PRIORITY
o Focus on what I can learn about myself all the time, especially from my
reactions (such as anger, fear, jealousy, resentment, and impatience) instead of
judging or blaming others or myself.
o Notice my emotions (by feeling the physical sensations in my energy centers).
o Notice my thoughts (such as planning my reply, judging, analyzing, comparing,
day-dreaming, etc.)
o Notice my intention (such as blaming, judging, needing to be right, wanting
admiration, escaping into thoughts (intellectualizing), trying to convince, etc.)

COURAGE – STRETCHING MYSELF BEYOND THE LIMITED
PERSPECTIVES OF THE FRIGHTENED
PARTS OF MY PERSONALITY.
o Take responsibility for my feelings, experiences, and actions (no blaming).
o Practice integrity at all times (often requires action, such as speaking when
frightened parts of my personality don’t want to speak and not speaking when
they feel compelled to speak).
o Say or do what is most difficult (sharing what I notice, if appropriate, when
someone speaks or acts from a frightened part of her personality; sharing about
myself what I am frightened to say and know that I need to say.)

COMPASSION –SEEING MYSELF AND OTHERS AS SOULS WHO
SOMETIMES HAVE FRIGHTENED PARTS OF THEIR PERSONALITIES
ACTIVE.
o Change my perspective from fearful to loving (choose to see myself and others
in a loving or appreciative way).
o Release any distance I feel from anyone.
o Be present while others are speaking (not preparing replies, judging, etc.)

COMMUNICATION AND ACTION –STRIVING TO MAKE ALL MY
INTERACTIONS CONSCIOUS AND LOVING.
o Consult my intuition.
o Choose my intention before I speak or act.
o Act from the healthiest part of my personality that I can find (rather than
caretaking, fixing, teaching, judging, blaming, gossiping, etc.)
o Speak personally and specifically rather than generally and abstractly (use “I”
statements rather than “we” or “you” statements).
o Release attachment to the outcome (trust the Universe). If I find myself
attached, begin again with Commitment, Courage, Compassion.

Past- Connecting the dots....

2009-05-12T15:17:00.005+08:00

As I look back on my past, I am now able to connect back the dots.
A lot of questions had been answered and the learning journey is one hell of a trip. Yeah! One hell of a trip. Who says it’s gonna be easily? Its simple but not easy. Its tough shit. Really. And I got a lot more miles to go. To reach where I belong. To where I should belong.

I am now able to understand a little better on why things turned out the way they did. Less self pity. More awareness. Less judgments. More understanding. Less tears. More self control.
All those anger, pain, ignorance, humiliation, misery, ego etc eroded the real beautiful me for many years.

I thought the real journey started 5 years back. But i was wrong. It had already started when I was 4. When I had my first conversation with God. It’s just that at that tender age, i didn't know the journey to self discovery has already started.

It’s only of recent that realization had hit me. That the light that guided me through this road has been there all along. Within me.
I felt the initial spark of light ignite through the Divine. In the form of my Guru.
As I look back on my past, I am now able to connect back the dots......

All ending are beginnings. We just don't know it at the time..

2009-05-12T15:01:00.004+08:00

"All ending are beginnings. We just don't know it at the time..." - Five People You Meet In Heaven

How apt this line seems right now as i start blogging again. So many changes have taken place over the years and as i now look back, i am amazed on how much I have learned from the daily experiences of life. Form every ending, there is always a new beginning born out of it. From my past, i now experience the present and slowly shaping my future. Hopefully to something better and more beautiful. Maybe I should let you on into my Past, Present and the Future. Just a bit.....ok.

Because my heart told me to............

2009-05-09T00:05:00.004+08:00

Well. As I was saying, it has been 3 long years since i last typed something and its not exactly by some sudden compulsion that i decided to start again today. I was reading this book for the past week and something from it rekindled my love for writing.

Its kind of weird. For the past few years i will get an idea or two out of nowhere and i will run through my mind all the stuff i want to write in my blog once i get home, but the drive dies down by the time i get home.

I guess, i need a mood for everything. Yeah almost everything.*grin*
There were times when i will be in a bike and sudden urge to pen down my thought occur and i will keep reminding myself to put it down in ink but by the time i get the chance to, i would have sadly forgotten my sudden rush of thoughts.

But today was different, this urge to get back, to write anything and everything in my mind just don't seem to go away no matter how many excuses my mind volunteers. Its not mind thats at fault. Its my heart. Its this voice that kept telling me to get back to where i belong. Right here in my blog and do something about it. I can't battle with my heart for long. Most times i give in to it. And so i did today.

Get prepared for more of my ranting and raves. And more gibberish. But this time i promise, it will be an organized mess.

A New begining to an old End..

2009-05-08T16:28:00.006+08:00

It has been close to 3 years since i last blogged. Its time. For a new beginning to an old End.

Expression.............Painting a pretty picture!

2006-03-30T15:24:00.003+08:00

While trying to paint a pretty picture of my life............
Something caught my eye...........

Paint Brush

I keep my paint brush with me
Wherever I may go,
In case I need to cover up
So the real me doesn't show.
I'm so afraid to show you me,
Afraid of what you'll do - that
You might laugh or say mean things.
I'm afraid I might lose you.
I'd like to remove all my paint coats
To show you the real, true me,
But I want you to try and understand,
I need you to accept what you see.
So if you'll be patient and
close your eyes,
I'll strip off all my coats real slow.
Please understand how much it hurts
To let the real me show.
Now my coats are all stripped off.
I feel naked, bare and cold,
And if you still love me with
all that you see,
You are my friend, pure as gold.
I need to save my paint brush,
though, And hold it in my hand,
I want to keep it handy
In case someone doesn't understand.
So please protect me, my dear friend
And thanks for loving me true,
But please let me keep my paint brush with me
Until I love me, too.

Written by ©Bettie B. Youngs

***thanks to Mr.K for sending me this beautiful poem.

Get Freeeeed!................

2006-03-30T15:24:00.001+08:00

I read this sometime back from a site about Osho. The words touched me in a special way and i feel it summarises very well, what joy is all about .........Beautiful!

Buddha says the greatest joy in life is freedom: freedom from all prejudices, freedom from all scriptures, freedom from all concepts and ideologies, freedom from all desires, freedom from all possessiveness and jealousy, freedom from all hatred, anger, rage, lust... in short, freedom from everything, so that you are just a pure consciousness, unbounded, unlimited. That is the greatest joy, and it is possible -- it is within everybody's grasp. You just have to grope for it a little. The groping will be in the dark, but it is not far away. If you try, if you make an effort, you are bound to find it. It is your birthright.

OshoThe Dhammapada: The Way of The Buddha Vol. 6

When the kitchen seems cold..........

2005-10-26T17:28:00.002+08:00

Am in da worst mood today. Worst with a capital F!

Right now, i have a burning need to swear with all those words i could ever think of!
Da damn share prices dropped real badly and i can kick myself hard for not selling it last week. Wanna swear at my stupidity. Procastination is a bad word.

I have always hated putting things till the last min and here i am left to regret my actions.
I know! Its the cause and effect theory again.........

The whole week started off like shit! Sucks! Both my parents flew off on a holiday yesterday and i won't get to see them for 2 mths.Aaaarghhhhh! I don't need someone to baby me but i am going to miss them real bad.

Its the presense that counts. I want my mum to be always there to nag at me,
when i go roaming the streets and sneak back home late night hoping she wont' find out,
when i go on a diet giving lame excuses of wanting a hot bod like hers,
when i fail to eat at home despite making thousand promises to her that i will,
when i engage in a verbal war with my bro over who is mum's favourite,
when i complain about how difficult life can be for a women in her 20s in comparison with a woman in her 40s (her).

When, when, all right seem wrong and when all wrong seems right........

I just want her to be where she always will be for me....

In the big warm kitchen where both of us discuss the essence of life ....

Even the kitchen seems cold without her.......

Boast not thyself of tomorrow; for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth......

2005-10-15T17:59:00.000+08:00

This....I like. Its very appropriate for my today's post.
Well, was talking to a friend of mine. Not actually a favourite of mine, but still the kind soul in me chose to entertain her. Given my attention and time, she rattled away about how good life is , her future plans, about him and her etc etc.

NO. Am not sour of another's achievements but it must have at least a bit of truth to it, to make my attention worth. Am tired of people boasting. There are billions of people on the world. Why should i take special interest in who u dated, who you are with now and who u shagged?
Taking pride of one's achievement is one thing but boasting about wat is in their agenda is another. And they make it worse by topping it up with lies. *Sigh*
Give me a break.....safe it for your very own blog or friendster.

Noone knows if tomorrow ever comes. So how does this stooges get overconfident? Rattle on. Am listening , yes but not paying attention.

And for some uncool reason, am tired of seeing pple blast their private moments on friendster. (refer : www.friendster.com). When i say private, i meant it with a capital P!
Get a profile, post your pics of special moments, your bf/gf, friends, family etc!BUT why tell the whole world wat u does or got beneath ur sheets???
Seeing is not believing! So i choose not to believe wat i see. Behind those french kiss shots, there must be something else babe. Who knows? Only time will tell...Keep ur fingers crossed.

Till then keep wat is private, private darling. No one notices when u get something right, BUT everyone does when something goes wrong.

So repeat after MOI..............
Boast not thyself of tomorrow; for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth. Proverbs 27:1

My 1st print of Expression........

2005-10-10T14:39:00.001+08:00

Wow! Not bad for a fresh start to my first blog.

I can type watever i want, in watever fashion. My very own writing pad. I will type away in my worst english lingo, sms lang and even add some stupid graphics to confuse readers. No one will question me or my words. Wat da heck rite? This is a platform to display my very own style even if it sounds damn lame.

But this is my 1st post. 1st impression is supposed to be good na? But why fake it? I ain't going to kill myself over wat others think abt my blog. Its mine.
My very own way of expressing wat i feel, heard, said or did. Expression is My Birthright.

And it is YOU who chose to read. Welcome.....